A Letter from Roman’s Mama
To say that our lives got turned upside down in the summer of 2015 would sound quite melodramatic to most people, but it’s the truth.
My husband and I had gone through a few years of fertility treatments and complications that came along with it but when we became pregnant with our twins, it all seemed to be falling into place. My pregnancy had been going smoothly and when I hit the second trimester, we felt that we could finally relax and just start enjoying the idea of daydreaming about our future family. We had been really superstitious about talking about the twins up until that point since it had been so hard getting pregnant that we didn’t want to jinx anything. After I was in the second trimester, though, I started filling their wardrobe (his more than hers to my surprise), picking out names, and decorating the nursery. Everything was perfect. That is, until the day that marked my 25th week.
I went into preterm labor without much of a warning and there was no stopping our two precious babes from entering the world before they were ready. Despite all the shock of the situation, we never gave a thought that they might not make it. We had heard that if you make it past 24 weeks, you were good. Babies make it all the time at 24 weeks. The second day of their lives is when everything came crashing down. Our sweet boy, Roman James, tried with all his might to fight for life but just couldn’t do it. I was separated from the babies after birth for medical care and I believe that Roman waited until I could be at his side to go, and as I held him with my husband right beside me, he took his last breath. We are so fortunate to have his sister still with us and she is a constant reminder that even through the storm, there is always good. I know that not all families get to have this reminder and we don’t take even a minute of this for granted.
After Roman’s death, we decided that we could either sit in all of our misfortunes or we could take our energy to walk with, help, and connect with others who are going through the same situation.
This was a huge take away from the time we spent in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). We met families who endured the same loss that we had and it was a complete blessing to connect with them, cry with them, and even sometimes laugh with them. Despite these desperate and heartbreaking circumstances, we found hope for the future, and I truly believe that having someone to walk by our side through Roman’s death and burial who understood firsthand was what kept us going.
Life is so bittersweet now. In his short life, that boy rocked our world. I am so honored to be his mama. He is our beautiful gift and in his remembrance, we hope to honor all those mamas and papas who have lost their little loves and share the hope that we were able to find through our experiences.
To hope for the future,